sunday: december 27th

Consider this a shameless subtle plug, but in my defence it's always been a message that I've tried to push forward.
Look beyond the surface.

This goes for everything, you start to do this with everything you see around you, and even within yourself, things start to look so much better. Or real. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about overthinking, that's a long conversation by itself.

Everything we see around us is a result of hours and hours of unseen work, people who we see standing up and taking steps forward have already spent so much mental and physical energy in order to be able to do this.

A very large percentage of us, scroll through posts on Instagram, through updates on Google, news articles, etc and skim through within seconds. How many of us really pause, and try to gauge whether something deserves our attention or not? We rely on easily manipulated cues to answer that for us, and you are so wrong if you think that fact is not taken advantage of.

Pause, understand the depth in everything and everyone around us, and dig beneath the surface.

sunday: december 06th

It's tough to get through trying times in life. It's easy to drown in the sorrows, sometimes even comforting, and that's okay. Just as the high tides deserve it's time, so do the low tides.

Don't extend its life. Yes, I did just saw that the low tides deserve the time, but there's an upper cap to the time, don't over-stretch it. I'm going to throw in a wonderful comparison here: when you hold your breath for too long, there comes a point say two-three minutes in, when you're left with a choice. Let go and take in all the oxygen you can, or keep going, and fade away into the unknown. The low points are exactly that, most of us fail to see more than what meets our eye and over-extend. We forget that there's something to learn from this, we forget that there is oxygen right there, you just need to breathe.

This short piece is a reminder for everyone going through their worst, that it will come to an end. A good part of it is in your hands. A good part of it is to widen your eyesight. A good part of it is yearning to be perceived.

There's a phenomenon in quantum physics (I might be slightly wrong about this, not a physicist here) where the mere act of observing atoms electrons forces them to behave like particles instead of waves. Sometimes I can't stop thinking about it, how so much of the fundamentals of our being is determined by our act of perceiving it? There's a million different beautiful metaphors for this popping up in my head right now while I write this just based on that one phenomenon. (If you want to read up more about that, please feel free)

Remember:
'Everything ends and it's always sad, but everything begins again, too. And that's always happy. Be happy.'
- Doctor Who, a show I will simply not stop stealing lines from.

sunday: november 29th

There's always a lot going around in the world. But there's always even more going on in your life, or at least that's what it feels like. The going can get tough, going through a rough patch, we all need our time to calm down and heal, and figure out what's wrong. But sometimes being continually exposed to external toxicity can slow you down.

Understanding what goes on inside our lives is vital to living better, along with everything that happens around us. Everything, is connected. An extension of the Butterfly Effect (which this mail is not about), but it doesn't hurt to remember once in a while that the wings of a butterfly being flapped halfway across the world can create a tornado on the other. I say all this, not to highlight the fact that there's a lot that's not in our control, but to bring focus to how Lorenz (the Butterfly Effect is closely associated with his work) might have discovered such a phenomenon.

Breaking things down, is key. Everything. That's the point I was getting at.

You have a mammoth project to work on? Break it down. A friend asked me what're some good ideas for self-rewards when completing tasks, break a task down into five sub-tasks, and see for yourself how better and calmer you feel when you check off all those five tasks one by one. That's satisfaction multiplied by five, instead of just one. Not even factoring in how much calmer you'll feel with continual progress made with the project.

Something traumatic happened? Break down the events that went into play. Understand why you feel horrible, and if it's not understandable (as a lot of things can usually be), know that it's okay to feel horrible and submerge yourself in the sorrow till you're ready to come back up. There is no pressure.

And as always, don't just do this when something bad happens. Do it when something good happens too and see how you'll have a greater sense of understanding of what goes on in life. This is not adding a level of complexity to the already humongous amount of thinking you must be doing, it is simplifying it. It is doing something, to make everything else easier.

sunday: november 22nd

There is only one certainty in life.

I've had this conversation with a lot of people, and it's the idea of the most powerful human on the planet. It's something I picked up from a show I'm so glad that I watched and never stopped thinking about it. To the best of our knowledge, we are the only species blessed with the gift of being able to engage in complex interactions through speech, combined with other forms of communication, and I find it insanely ironical that we shy away from the important conversations and engage in (mostly) useless ones instead. One such conversation is that surrounding death.

Think about it, mention the uncertainty of when you'll have to deal with death to your parents and you'll be met with reactions like 'Why are you thinking about all that now?', 'You have years left, don't think about all that.' and while it's an understandable reaction to an extent, it's also a demonstration of shying away from important conversations.

Coming back to the idea of the most powerful human on the planet. We've always come across pleas to accept that some things are not in our control in life, and other arenas, and to accept that there are always uncertainties, and yes there comes great power with accepting that there are uncertainties in life; personally, I enjoy the uncertainties, where's the fun in predictable? But you know what's more powerful? Accepting the one absolute certainty in life, death. You are going to die, get over it. It's going to come to an end, and what comes after that is left to your beliefs and imaginations. But the point is, this is going to end. You will be 6 feet beneath the land you're walking on, it could be tomorrow, it could be seventy years from now.

But, think for a second, fast forward years into the future and just think of a place in your life where you're okay with the end, that's the aim. To be okay to meet the Reaper. That's the place you should aim to be at. It'll expand into a multitude of questions, I leave those to your thought process.

Expand this into all arenas of your life and it'll just push you to do better, ever so slightly.

sunday: november 15th

With the absence of a low, the high loses all meaning.

It's been 105 days since the last time I penned down my thoughts on a Sunday, and it definitely feels good to be back, and with a fresh look that too. These 105 days were very important to me, I took a break from something I've been doing for as long as I can remember, writing. My earliest memory of writing is when I used to buy notebooks in third grade and fill them with chapters and chapters of stories that somehow made up, what I could call at the time, a novel.

A break from writing is something that I've unconsciously taken all the time, but this was the first ever time I consciously made the decision, and it was a good one. Everyone needs a break from everything and this 100+ days only taught me that it's important to go through both the highs and lows in life. It becomes very hard for a person who's always been happy to understand the hurt of being sad, and there's no pleasure to being happy without the existence of sad. 'Opposites are created in nature all the time', something a friend once pointed out to me and something I can never forget.

This very short mail hopes to instil in you, the thought that it's important to take a break, if not necessary. Not because you're burnt out, I don't believe burn-outs are real, burn-outs are just an excuse to push the deadline of a thing you really want to do but you're too scared/lazy to start doing.  It's a manufactured delay. It's important to take a break, because in that space, you suddenly have the time to realise a lot many fundamental things that you've been missing out on.

I like to picture it as a pushup away from the ground all the way to space, where the body is floating pointlessly, without and with purpose at the same time. An eagle's eye view. That's what a break is to me.

sunday: august 02nd

"impermanence is what gives life meaning and should also give us urgency in going out and experiencing all that there is to experience. If we live as if there is infinite time with all these impermanent things, then that’s how we experience real loss and regret."
- Matthew Ward

we live through many obstacles and hardships in our live yet most of us don't realise how those exact experiences are what carve you into what you are. there is nothing wrong with a little heartbreak, or a sad event, see it as a part of life. 

i see this recurring problem with everything around us, the need for there to be an end point. the very frail attempt at trying to make imaginative visual flowcharts about the circle of life? it is pointless. we look for a point to everything. this train of thought started when I realised that a lot of people think of meditation as a process to an end goal and that is something I strongly disagreed with. the very act of meditation arises from being mindful, and being mindful is by understanding about the here and now. i then realised that this goes about for a lot of things, and the problem with this very alarming yet common way of thinking is that you literally do not enjoy life.

there are countless articles on people regretting how they spent their life while on their deathbed. stop reading and think about that for a while. imagine living for decades and regretting the only thing you had. you don't know what's coming after death, you could just cease to exist. there is no point to life, we have to stop trying to put everything we see around us into weak definitions restricted by language, communication and concepts we simply cannot fathom. nature, the world and the universe are humongous. we cannot make sense of it and any attempt at it is simply pointless. life is now. if there has to be a 'point' to life, it is the literal here and now. processes of our existence don't lead to anything. 

"Life isn’t about the final destination. It’s about the journey. If there’s a detour along the way to achieving your goal, then enjoy it. Lean into that detour. Don’t get upset because it wasn’t what you expected."
- Matthew Ward

stop fighting against what the world throws at you, whether it be emotional turmoil or just repeated failures. learn from it, embrace it and move on. 

'be like the water' is a line i'll never forget. i closely connect it with this other quote i read when i was reading up on zen philosophy (i think), it said: 'nature moves slow but accomplishes the tasks it's set out to do'

be like the water.

sunday: july 26th

very recently, i had to make a choice between breaking someone's trust and not. usually the choice would be to not break their trust. the trouble was that he so desperately wanted something from me i did not have the ability to give, but if i disclosed his need and desperation to someone else, i could get him what he wants, but that would be me taking a chance on his decision to trust me with the same for a 'could'. i ended up not breaking his trust and he ended up texting me a few days later saying 'there's no escape for me'. i couldn't gather the courage to respond. i'm not going to get into the details of the story but what i will get into are the thoughts that this renewed. 

all of us are so insanely lucky. i'm going to take the liberty of assuming that all of you reading this have a roof to live under and food provided to you with no effort from your side. we have the privilege of consuming entertainment and finding peace in things like music, which still is a pleasure many can't afford to have. it's not a bad thing that you posses this privilege. it's absolutely wonderful and i'm so happy that all of us are lucky enough to live the lives we will. but you know what sucks? when we don't appreciate what we have. the only way we will, is when you put yourself in the shoes of others, or when we spend more than a fraction of a minute thinking of the lives of those around us you don't live like you. it's a whole other world. i preach about spirituality and mindfulness and being happy when all of this is a foreign concept to many around us. 

this is an inescapable loop of inner-conflict. do what good you can, there's no way you'll find peace without doing it. i know it sounds like a selfish reason to do good, but try to find that bit in you that does something good for the sake of the person in front of you. it's a hard bit to find but it's there in every bit of us. we are born with goodness, kindness and happiness. we are born with it. the world around us makes us build walls and develop personalities on top of the baby inside you, till that pure innocent you is buried deep inside. find them. 

we are the most empowered generation ever. past decades of being shackled to the whims of our ancestors has led to this wonderful time where we've broken free. do good for every community. spread the little bit of happiness. if you can't make the world a better place for everyone, make your world a heaven to be in for the people around you. there are always going to be naysayers, it's inevitable that out of the billion people on this planet, some turn out evil. the goal would be to get to a zero, but that's a long way ahead. 

out of some beautiful miracle, we are the only (known) civilisation, do we really want to be remembered as one that fought against each other unendingly. the effort to spread goodness will not go unseen in history. we will be history one day. we will be a story until a day comes when the saplings we have sown today will no longer be able to tell if the stories are real or if we ever were. 

there's just a very tiny journey to make from where most of us are, to living a life that's happy. and yet the reason most of us are not, is because we haven't sat in the car yet. just start the journey, live life. free yourself and others. recognise the societal constructs that took centuries to form and crush them in a second's thought. it's not a hard thing to do. to be truly free is when you know you're happy.

no storm can crush the lighthouse that was made for the storm. 

sunday: july 19th

we've all grown over the years, our personalities have changed, our values have grown, most of us have grown for the better, i'd hope. and at the age that you're in, i'd also like to assume that you've reached some amount of maturity. 

it's dark for me, when i see people who haven't changed a bit. change is a core element of our nature, to absorb and learn from the things around us and most importantly, to learn from oneself is unspeakably important. people who still hold onto petty excuses and haven't an ounce of maturity. 

there's so many little things to appreciate out there, beautiful works of art, cinema and literature. there's so much to appreciate in learning and growing, but some of us just don't. it is really only when we explore elements deeper that we discover some amount of beauty.

the surface holds nothing, absolutely nothing. the surface is a result of everything that lies beneath it. this holds true for the soil we stand on, the walls we look at, and people. i cannot recall how many times i've hinted at this before, but the most precious people that exist are those that have taken time out of their lives to stop doing all the mediocre activities and for once, look deeper into themselves. it is there we discover and birth a passion towards all that lies around us. a true form of passion, unstirred by material rewards or the potential for it.  

what's equally important is the honest to god appreciation of wonderful humans who've taken the time for this, that sadly/gladly is motivation for many to for once in their lives, look beyond the surface. 

where some see trees, i see years of being nurtured and grown. 
where some see houses, i see the thought beyond the architecture.
where some see birds flying, i see the perpetual need to survive. 
where some see mountains, i see the shift in plates that led to their being. 
where some see insecurities, i see why. 
and where some see people, i see everything beyond their skin. 

sunday: july 12th

the power of the superior. 

'it wasn't meant to be'
that's a phrase we hear quite often: when your business fails, when you lose interest in a hobby, when you lose something or someone. what does 'meant' to be mean?

believing in some kind of a superior being, whether it be in the form of a god or just the large universe you're a part of, gives you a feeling of power and direction in someways, and in some ways in the short term it looks like you're being stripped of all the good things in life. i've always resorted to giving the universe a soul, or some form of an identity that's simply unfathomable by humans. why or how does it help? it doesn't necessarily have to be about helping, having a belief of your own sometimes gives you an insane amount of control over your life, although it does feel like some other force other than yourself is making decisions for you, that's not what it is. 

we are alive. life is a blessing that was born out of coincidence or maybe this was meant to be the way the world was going in anyway. maybe the birth of life and consciousness was inevitable. it's impossible to tell. 

there is some amount of relief when we believe that there is some power above us (again, i would like to highlight the fact that this doesn't necessarily have to be god) that desires the absolute best for us only. 
however, the one thing i can't help but notice is the fact that we only call up on this power when something negative happens. how often do we thank the universe for bringing this person in front of us, or for getting you where you are, it's equally important to understand that this is not a negative force. 

we live.
despite the weed,
we continue to breathe,
and provide, and take. 
our souls were birthed
out of pure stardust.
to imagine the millions of moments
that led to this, 
is nothing short of a magical experience. 

sunday: july 05th

this is going to be trying to pitch an idea to you, in a way.

i'll start with myself:
i'm a data hoarder. i have backups of backups of an insane amount of data, from conversations with friends to important dates on my calendars and other interesting things i note down about a person. this didn't start out as an intentional affair, but just instinctively happened. almost as if a younger version of me saw how much i would value it today. in the spirit of being completely honest, i value these mountains of information and continue to add to it for two reasons, one personal and one general. i forget entire parts of my life, and entire experiences, very rarely people, but definitely the nature of relationship that existed between us, so this hoarding of data has proven to be an incredibly bitter sweet experience. i read diary entires i never remember writing about feelings i never remember having. 

more importantly, the more broader reason: 
some of you simply will not see the significance of the experiences you're having right now as a young being experiencing life in it's full force, in a few years you could be living in a different place, hanging out with different people, living with someone else and a huge list of other changes in your life. over-time you lose touch with the old way of your life, and believe me when I say there's no feeling better than the one that's induced by looking at these pictures, at the conversations, at your own diary entries. 

it's not just the spark of memories that floods into your head, that is obviously a bitter-sweet experience. but the very realisation that everything around you can change in a matter of a hours, days, or months is a humongous realisation. 

depending on whichever month of 2020 you read this in, you are probably in some kind of a lockdown or quarantine, do you remember living life, at the beginning of the year? you probably even welcomed this year with a bang. how far is that experience now? how remote is the possibility of booking flight tickets whenever you wanted? how remote is the possibility of moving around the city with your only fear being your insanely horrible road rage that you should probably keep in check. 

this is truly the closest i can get to an example of what i'm trying to convey, but on a much larger scale. there is unfathomable change in our lives, and we are used to the blurry ends and beginnings, write down your feelings. take photographs, print them out. i even go to the extent of sending letters to my own future self (yup! that's possible). 

do all of this for a later version of you that will be thankful you did this now, we might look at these as insignificant actions or a time-pass now, but they hold so much value, it's beautiful. because honestly, believe me or not fifteen years from now, you'll be reading a wikiHow article on how to put on diapers on your kid. 

serve your future self and your present self. 

sunday: june 28th

i did an exercise recently as part of a larger 24-day meditation challenge, and this one specific exercise really made me think. the exercise involved me physically writing down the names of 50 (or more) people who played a part in getting to me to this point in my life, or added value to my life, this could've been in terms of career, emotions, or relationships. although at first-look it seems like a pretty pointless exercise, it had an additional level of depth, it also required that every time i note down a name, i had to actively recall exactly what value the person added to my life. it wasn't hard at all to get to 50 names, in fact it went over 50; and the more names i wrote down, the more names that popped up. 

aside from bringing back so many memories, it also made me think about people i haven't talked to in ages, and how much of a part they played in my growth, and made me think about this one very striking point: the most important people in my life fit into two groups:
- people who i talked to every day for a super long time. 
- people who i talk to once in four-five months. 

see, the first one isn't surprising, you talk to someone everyday for a very long time when you see that they mean something to you and the same is reciprocated. the second one surprised me ever so slightly because they meant so much to me even though our interactions were so limited. these wonderful people didn't let the infrequency of conversations be a negative thing, and this kind of relationship, i feel, demands special appreciation. 

some people around us (or even some of us), have the habit of equating the lack of daily conversations to lack of interest or care. while this may be true in some cases, it doesn't make sense to be equated if it's only true in some cases and not in other cases. when you start talking to someone, build a good relationship with them, and then you realise the conversations aren't as frequent, don't let it be a negative thing. catch up every few weeks or months, whichever is convenient and feels natural. 

the sheer amount of connection this kind of a bond shares is insane, because the bond is able to stay together even without the catalyst of daily conversations, so cherish them. i'm so insanely proud to say that i've made so many wonderful friends i don't talk to anymore, and in their hearts and in my heart, there is appreciation for each other. and it matters. 

carry around positive energy kids. 

sunday: june 14th

it changes everything. there is suddenly absolute power, and an immensely strong feeling of relief when you just choose to do so. and the best part? it is not even hard. initiating the process from a point of low, or sadness can be hard. but direct yourself towards this path when you're there: multiple vantage points, in other words - perspective.

there's a very big chance i must've confused you with that, since i was being vague as usual (i guess?). what i'm talking about is to develop a process or ability to look at something from different perspectives. some of us are burdened with the feeling of the entire world being a testing field for one's own life, them being the centre of everything, or the centre of a smaller reality. but that is the farthest from reality you can stray. there are gazillions of realities in process right now, in the minds of millions of people. everyone is living their own life and there is no centre. everyone's behaviour actuates from their own thought processes however vile and cruel some of them might be. in no way am i trying to justify someone's wrongdoing by saying 'they might have thought they're doing a good thing.' no. what i'm saying instead is: 'they did it. regardless of good or bad.'
i have a feeling i'm digging deeper into creating confusion but i hope i am not. 

when you inculcate into your basic instincts or at least actively make a decision to think about something from someone else's perspective, it gives you a whole different world of solutions to problems you didn't know existed in the first place. businesses thrive from this, businesses run for profits (exceptions exist in multiple forms) and they do this by serving the needs of their target audience. they need to think from our point of view to realise the changes they need to make, the decisions they need to make, the product they need to focus on. they need to think from our point of view. otherwise, forget the profits. 
when someone does something hurtful to you, or something that made you feel horrible, take a moment to think from their point of view, be in their shoes for a while and just think: why? do not go into this process to justify their actions. that is not the aim here. the aim is to understand why, however horrible it might be. sometimes, it gives us relief. sometimes, it gives us closure, and sometimes, it gives us direction.

not all of us have understanding parents right? some of us feel like they try to be as understanding as possible but after a point they just can't? some of them simply don't make an effort and stick to their values and methods? (forgive me for making assumptions here)
our brains make pathways for habits it can follow with ease. it likes to maintain homeostasis. in simpler words: our brains does not likes change, and it prefers the path of least resistance. now think about all the changes that have happened in terms of changes to society, how we live life, technology, and the world in general. our parents have grown. continued research shows that ageing reduces our brain's ability to create new pathways, hence why it becomes harder for them to accept change. again, i'm not justifying all of their actions, but when you look at it from their point of view: you eventually learn to cut them some slack, you instead attempt to slowly educate them instead of lashing out, newness is hard for them, hell it's hard even for some of us young ones. 
 
when you look at something from different vantage points, only then you can see the whole picture. maybe the closest to the true picture you'll get. there are so many beautiful real life and fictional stories that come into fruition when this is done. all of us appreciate different things, and have different opinions and likes and tastes. learn to respect it. 

on the other hand, when you try and live in someone else's shoes in your mind, and you see nothing but a very sad, bad, vile thought process, and you know in your heart that there is no acceptable justification for an action: you now have the relief of getting rid of something you don't need in your life. everyone's not good. there's always going to be bad. don't use this to justify the bad. 

writing this as a tribute to when i thought of a situation from their point of view and i was able to find closure and happiness for them, although i didn't feel the same way myself for a while. 

"new perspectives challenge our assumptions about right and wrong."
- not me

hello,
the days are flying away faster than ever. to the new ones here, hello. i feel like this one was a very confusing one, i can see how it can look confusing or seem so. but my point is pretty straightforward. i've always just wanted to be able to communicate my thoughts in the most simple way possible so everyone can understand it, which is why i refrain from using complicated words not all of us can understand, wherever possible. however today, it's been hard to structure this in a more understandable format and for that, you have my apologies. 
have a good day, people.

sunday: june 07th

"who looks outside, dreams. who looks inside, awakes." 
while we continue to live, we are constantly thinking, some are important thoughts that are to be prioritised and explored, some you just throw away, or let pass. we have about 12,000 - 60,000 thoughts in one day. that is a lot! 

"All manner of crazy things happen. But at the heart of it all is a grounded discussion on mindfulness, love, anger, resentment, listening, forgiveness, and even death."
that is a line from The Midnight Gospel, which all of you should honestly check out, originally from the Dunan Trussel's Podcast. 

within that line mindfulness finds a mention, and deservingly so. it is something i have always constantly explored and it is truly enlightening. meditation has a very large part in concepts like such. but something else that is a tinier part of the same, and can actually change the way you live your day to day is what I meant to highlight with the quote i started the mail with: thinking about thinking. 

when you are curious about your own mind and the places it goes, you slowly become psychologically sophisticated. you are able to be present within yourself and in the external word in a much more deeper, and conscious sense. i would even go as far as saying, it's almost feels like you live on a higher existential plane; maybe put in easier terms - you feel enlightened somehow. 
the key to thinking about thinking, is understanding that when we feel something negative, or to be more precise, when we think something negative, it is not happening to us, it is an activity our mind is doing. worrying, is something you do, worry doesn't happen. don't imply the wrong meaning from this, I don't mean to say "it's in your head", which is often times a very horrible thing to say, other times just the harsh and honest truth. what i am trying to say instead is that, this realisation helps you work with these thoughts better, negative and positive ones alike, and you don't have to fight your thoughts anymore. 

when you start to be more conscious about what you are thinking, and why exactly, you create a structure of thoughts, and over time you'll find yourself in a much better place in a psychological way. you wouldn't let things affect you quick, you worry less, you are truly at peace and most important of all - you feel mentally stronger.

some of you might feel that this is an impossible task to go through with, to actually put in the amount of effort to think about our thoughts and possibly overthink and go into a deadly vicious spiral? see, that's exactly why you need to take up this task. it's a road towards being at peace, being mindful, appreciating our very existence, and it starts within yourself, and then slowly making regular meditation a part of your life. 

you never get anywhere if you stay in your comfort zone. never. when you are scared of doing something is when you know that you should go out there and do it. 

"In every universe there is a question; in every person there is an answer."
- The Midnight Gospel (Trailer)
 

hello,
hope you're doing great, i love writing about mindfulness, different philosophies and concepts, and overall, i guess thinks that help you go deeper inside yourself and at the same time expand outwards in a positive sense. meditation has always been important to me, and over the past few months i've really given it a front-row seat in my life, what most people don't realise when they get involved in mindfulness practices and meditation is that they think they're adding some sort of points to their existence, do not get stuck up on some non-existent end goal. there is no end goal. it is the journey, it's really the journey that counts. there is no end.  i really hope that these emails actually make sense to you; i'd love for you to reply to these emails with your thoughts and recommendations for future emails. 

sunday: may 31st

art: inevitable? 
lascaux is a complex setting of caves in France, it was discovered in the September of 1940, when an 18 year old lost his dog and he and two of his friends stumbled upon the caves. after inspecting further, he found paintings inside the cave. it was eventually established that the artworks were approximately 17,000 years old. those three boys, camped outside the cave for an entire year to protect the artwork inside until eventually the French Government took over. later, when they realised that the cave being open to the public and the excessive human visitation was degrading the art, they made a fake replica of the cave and opened that to the public. what's peculiar is that these caves were filled with what are called negative hand stencils, just imagine a circle filled in with paint except in the centre where you'd have your hand print. similar paintings can be found all over the world. in the words of the John Green, 'they (also) remind us that the humans of the past were as human as we are. their hands indistinguishable from ours.' 

the point i'm trying to get at, is the prospect of art never having been an option for humanity, it was never optional. art is inevitable. 
what's hopeful is that those three teenage boys dedicating a year to protecting the art they found in the cave, what's hopeful is that when we realised that simply looking at the paintings was destroying them, we agreed to stop going. 

art is beautiful. the ones among us who don't appreciate art, and I mean all forms of art, from paintings to pieces of literature to more modern forms of the same, they haven't found the depth of their existence yet. living in a constant denial of their true emotions and likenesses to: appear cool? seem manly? I wouldn't know. 

cinematic masterpieces deserve equal credit. reminds me of the line from 'Dead Poets Society':
"Medicine, Law, Engineering, these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." 

the fact that out of the infinite ways humanity could've developed, the fact that we did involve ourselves in art, is so beautiful. and I love the certainty that I wouldn't have it any other way. to see so many people around me that accept the depth and beauty of art and themselves is something I'm incredibly grateful for. it is insanely important to spend time to understand oneself and dedicate time and effort into learning, instead of simply denying any possibility of the existence of anything more to you than the self you portray. 

this email was largely inspired by John Green's ongoing podcast 'The Anthropocene Reviewed' which you can listen to (for free) too. 

hello,
it's officially the start of the 6th month of the year, half of 2020, damn. with this mail I would like to invite more suggestions (by replying to this email) on what you'd like to read in the upcoming weeks.

sunday: may 24th

the blurry ends. 
it all comes to an end, some of us have come to terms with it, some of us haven't. letting go is something that very few of us are good at. accepting that phases of our life, people, and events come to an end is the first step to learning to let go. and when I say 'letting go', I don't mean to ask you to completely forget, keep the memories, the gifts, photos, music, and the essence of what has ended. let go of the power you give your past to negatively influence your present, instead keep everything you've learnt from that time. simply put: keep the good parts, learn from the bad parts, and let the memories live on. 

however, this is not what we're talking about today, we're talking about blurry ends. when the ending happens so subtly and slowly that you don't realise it's the beginning of the end. this is like that moment at a concert when you realise they're starting to play songs that make you think: 'oh, the night is ending': but you choose to move forward. for me, one of the most significant examples of this was in early 2018 when me and my friends were walking out of school really late at around 8pm and we were halfway to our car when I noticed the stars in the sky, back where I was from we rarely ever got to see the stars (i think that's the case almost everywhere these days) and that's when I realised this is the beginning of the end of many things: hanging out with that specific group of friends every school day, living with my parents, the routine I've had for 18 years, my time in that country. I still look back to that moment when after I pointed the stars out to my friends, all of us just seeped in the moment and stared at the sky for a bit, I still look back to that moment as the beginning of the end. it's definitely sad that I've had to let go of a very big part of my life, but I knew that one had to move on. ideally, that moment in between the blurry end, when you catch the end off-guard, from that moment onwards seep in the rest of the experience, the people around you, the fun, and absorb as many memories as possible. 

being able to catch this moment, is insanely gifting. although to some extent it does make you sad when the realisation hits that it's slowly coming to an end, but at least now you know and have realised that it is in fact about to get over. instead of desperately spending the remainder of the time trying to drag the good time forward, desperately try to truly live the rest of it. 

when you do this, you'll realise how much happiness you're able to carry forward from some people, relationships, gatherings, places and phases in life. some of us make the mistake of not living in the here and now, when you do that, know that what you're doing is thinking of one among an infinite number of possible futures all the while stripping your future self of the experiences of the present, all for an unlikely future. live now, now. 
 

hello,
this week was a nostalgic one for me, not sure if that came across in this. tried to use the same energy to put across a very valid and important lesson. don't let the end start without you realising, and do not spend today attempting to extend time. 

sunday: may 17th

the search for the infinite. 
inspired by a conversation i had with a friend

it's incredibly humbling to know that we are nothing but a tiny speck in the endless infinite of the world around us. only for 0.0044% of earth's age, have we been on this piece of rock. at the same time it's incredible to think and know that we are not just people on this planet, but we are as much a part of the world as much as the stars and moon we see in the sky. we have bits of all of it within us if we keep tracing back. 

i'm certain that all of us have always found some semblance of peace or calm in the skies or the oceans, some of us love watching the sun rise, some of us stargaze, others love watching the ocean sweep over the shore over and over, appearing as if its taking a bit of it every with every sweep. the oceans and the skies are unending, they go on and on, and it soothes our soul, it feels like you're home somehow and you certainly didn't live in the beach or on the moon. but it still feels like moon. 

while all throughout our lives we pursue achievements, objects and happiness in some form or the other. deep inside, our soul craves peace. it craves to go back into that meditative state you were in when you were gazing at the stars but somehow at the same time not staring specifically at something. we feed it the peace it craves through maybe a few meditating sessions a couple times a week or five minutes a day or a therapeutic session of good music and the sunset. we keep going back. if you don't really feed the soul with experiences like this, you really are depriving yourself. find the appreciation, that is for sure within you, for the moments in life such as this. the tiny bits make you a happier whole. 

when the soul leaves our bodies eventually, it's nice to think that it returns home, into some form of unfathomable infinity. till then, feed it with the tiny moments of the wonders around us. 

hello,
hope you're doing good mentally and physically. take care. 

sunday: may 10th

hello,
today i'm going to try and answer a question i got from one of you, it reads: 'does love change people or does it bring out their deepest primary state of being?'

this questions is not an easy yes or no, or even an easy choice between the two, it's much more complex the more we think about it. we'll go about it in parts with the assumption that by 'love' here, the question refers to the love that exists between two partners, although this may end up being relevant for other forms of love such as parenthood and friendships.

okay so let's break down the elements of the question: 
love
love changing who you are
bringing out your true self

love
i pointed out in one of my previous emails that love is one of the strongest and complex emotions that we can experience. here's an excerpt from the same: 
"there is no doubt about the power and the genuineness of the emotion, and at times it can also be a very confusing emotion. one that'll lead you to dark places, and sometimes the most colourful of places."
most of us have the habit of over-romanticising love, thanks to some books and movies and while there is nothing wrong with romanticising the idea, what we are rarely shown or actually, what we try to not focus on are the hard parts of love. the disagreements you have on topics of politics, religion, taste in food or music, and much much deeper things. the very basics of a person's being might cause slight irritation, but the love always supersedes. we see this very evidently when we can't stop loving someone who is palpably toxic for us. yes, the person might be toxic but the emotion is still there. it's insanely hard to fall out of, it takes immense strength of the mind, constantly being reminded or reminding yourself, and for most of us; time.
there's a clear evidence of the strength of the emotion. one thought i've always had regarding love that i can never seem to get out of my head is the fact that no-one is ever completely 'right' or 'wrong' for you. true love is when you have patience and compassion for our mutual weaknesses, and that's miles higher than the attraction you have towards someone and the fact that compatibility is never a pre-requisite for love, it is the achievement of love. 

love changing who you are
the short answer to this is: yes and no. and that's not completely up to chance. it's more. 
who you are as a person is something that's been slowly built over a period of your entire exhausted lifetime. circumstances, teachings, and a million other things play into what sort of a person you become. and without any doubt, there are certainly things you dislike about yourself, but at the same time the other end is also present. that is inevitable. you have habits and addictions you want to get rid of. but you like the fact that you are appreciative of the little things in life. there's always both ends. changing the fundamentals of who you are is a long process, one that begins with self-awareness. let's say that you've noticed that you're a very close-minded person, not open to the view of others on multiple aspects of life. the good thing is that you've noticed this. the second part is accepting and being aware of the fact that certain factors in your life played a big role in you becoming who you are, it could be your society, or your parents, or the movies you are drawn towards, or your friend circle. once you've accepted it and stopped beating yourself up over it you've started the process of change, but only if you want to change. 

so when you think about love changing you, it's a yes and a no. conditions being, if you allow yourself to change and grow together, over a long period of time you will slowly change and adapt certain qualities amongst yourself. but falling in love, or being in love on its own does not bring about change. 

bringing out your true self
this is true to a very large extent. love in general tends to bring out the very best parts of you. love by definition should bring out your true self, positive and negative parts alike. being true to each other, unravelling your deepest vulnerabilities, and expressing your deepest worries and likenesses is very important in sustaining a viable relationship. when your partner entertains every part of you, every thought that's in your head, and actively engages in conversation with you to dig deeper into what are the wrong parts of the thoughts in your head, then you're perfecting yourself. [i still stand by the fact that perfection is again not a word that can be associated with one's personality, or a person in general] love does bring out your deepest primary state of being, and it should. otherwise i just think you're being unfair to yourself, your partner and love. find someone who allows you to be your full self. 
-
if you paid enough attention, you'll notice that the question needed me to choose between the two: bringing out your true self or changing. i haven't chose either of the options. your 'self' is quite simply your belief about the attributes, qualities and your very existence as an individual consciousness, this includes the capacity within you to change over time, therefore making it impossible to choose between the two. 

i don't think there's anything better you can do for yourself than be true to yourself, regardless of whether you're in love or not. 

i love hearing from you all, as always. certainly looking forward to answering more of your questions and adding some sort of value to your life, in the smallest ways. i hope these emails have a positive impact on your life. reach out. stay safe. don't pressurise yourself to be productive, not the time. 

sunday: may 03rd

hello,
welcome to the fifth month of this wonderful year. 

accepting and embracing - a key to moving forward in life. there are harsh realities all around us, those that concern the entire world, yourself, your close ones and the list goes on. life is never perfect, the idea of perfect is by nature not applicable to our lives, people, relationships and emotions. 
-
let's start with yourself.
you have your own flaws, your own insecurities, your own imperfections. you could be a better person, and you could be smarter. parts of these are facts that you'll have to accept and most importantly, embrace. be proud of who you are and where you are heading. constantly strive to improve yourself and at the same time take it easy on yourself. 
if you yourself are not comfortable with yourself, how do your expect to others to treat you? same goes for self-respect, self-love, etc. the way you treat yourself defines how others are to treat you. 
so accept yourself, and embrace.
-
relationships are also a major aspect of our lives that are also rarely perfect and without its flaws. firstly, i'd like to touch upon 'compatibility'. the fact that some of us only go ahead with any sort of a relationship when they realise that you are compatible is purely unfair. a relationship is constantly working with each other to make oneself and the other person better in every aspect of life, being compatible is the end of a line, not a prerequisite for a relationship. 
once you accept the flaws that exist between the parties involved, you've crossed a major bridge. denial of the same is like crossing the same bridge but with no other end. embrace each other's flaws and work with each other through it. what's better than advancing through life together?
-
there are humans among us, that have had the opportunity to look at earth from space. this is what Benjamin Lazier said in his essay: 
"The sight of an incomparably lonely living Earth produced a felt experience of a planet so eccentric, so exceptional, that it became the only thing worth attending to in the first place,"

just looking at our planet like that reminds us of scale. how small we are in the grand scheme of things. this should be liberation. the universe doesn't revolve around you. there's no big boulder on your shoulder. comic humility is important, it teaches you and makes you realise how small you are. and that's not a bad thing. if anything, it should motivate us even more to at least try and be a noticeable speck of a being in the humongous timescale of the universe. 

accept the harsh facts. embrace the imperfections. and there's one of the keys to living happier. there are a million more. 

"Don't seek to be relevant, or liked, seek to be undeniable, seek to be compassionate, seek integrity, seek humility, seek light. "
- Tumblr

i hope everyone is doing perfectly well, both mentally and physically. this period has been extremely tough on all of us but it warms me to see that everyone is trying their own little bits to help themselves and people around them. there is no need to feel pressurised to be productive during a time like this, cut yourself some slack. take it easy. and if you need someone to talk to, there are always people around, and my contact details are always with you. 

sunday: april 26th

he knew it was time, he could see the rays hitting the other side of his room from where he was lying down. he closes his laptop and sets aside his blanket, picks the cigarettes and the lighter from the desk, on the way out the door. he runs his fingers through the body of the lighter, it still had her name engraved on it, it never wore off. the earphones tangle and mess with the door handle, but this doesn't annoy him. he's made peace with the little annoyances that life throws at him. 

walking up the stairs slowly he leaves a text to her: "heading up, I'll be back down in an hour"
he knew she wouldn't see the text, but it felt familiar. it was less painful to pretend and somehow more painful at the same time. he's made his way to the terrace, he stands next to the railing and takes a picture of the sunset. sends it to her along with the date and time: 18:33 26th April, 2020

he orders burgers and fries from his usual place, at this point he doesn't even need to call them up to order. they just know. it's been a constant for more than a year now. he lies down on the terrace floor, looks at the light being stripped away from the sky. 'it's the moon's turn now', he whispers to himself, while he takes out a cigarette and lights it. 

his music taste is impeccable, makes you cry sad, makes you cry happy, makes you want to be with someone, he's beautiful. he's 21 and he's retired from life already, her death got to him. his parents had left him with a pile of never ending fortunes, and then she left. he never needed to work again, he never could work again. her death is the single-handedly the event that destroyed him. but he's happy, in a way. 
the engraving on the lighter reminds him of her touch, her annoying laugh, her voice. it all comes back in flashes, and he lets out tears, every day, at sunset. he likes to believe it's his tears that light up the stars every night. so he lies down, to watch the birth of the stars over and over to see some version of his sister again. he'd do anything for that. 
the hour is ending in five, he lights another cigarette, plays the saddest songs in his playlist, and reads her last text again: "i love you, i hope you find peace like i did." 

his immense understanding of the world, literature, emotions nor his piles of cash, or anything he thought was valuable will ever help him understand what she meant in those last moments before she did what she did. 

he climbs back into his blanket.

"A million feelings. A thousand thoughts. A hundred memories. All for one person."
- Tumblr

hey, 
I hope you are doing well, I was attempting a spin-off of the vaguest series of a combination of words I've ever written called 'a depressed kid', which you can find in my Tumblr. I hope you didn't find this annoyingly vague and overly descriptive. My aim was to try and create an open-minded scenario which then you'd allow to fill in gaps and visualise yourself. I may or may not be able to promise you less vague content. 
also, today the sunset was actually exactly at 18:33, so haha. 

sunday: april 19th

hello,
hope you are holding up well and mostly importantly staying at home, wherever that is. some of you wanted to me write about something more serious, and i succumb to your desires - i aim to please. 
hence today we are going to talk about your mind. 

i should probably mention that just because i'm talking about something slightly serious does not mean i'm not going to lean towards my tendency to see the positive and the beautiful depths in everything. 

i'd like to start by emphasising on the fact that the mind is simply the most powerful element in each and every one of us. some would say that's what we really are, our mind, our soul. but that's a question we can't answer. we are a culmination of everything we are, everything we do, everything we believe in. 

(notice how i just said that it's a question we can't answer and then continued with my vain attempt)

your mind has the power to travel distances you cannot imagine. faster than anything humans will ever come up with. you can think thoughts, you can be with anyone. close your eyes for a second and you can go to any part of the world, be next to anyone, hug your parents, imagine up anything and it'll take you fractions of a second. 

taking control of your mind, and understanding the deep roots it has within our lives is key to moving forward in life with success and happiness. it'll change the way you go through events, and milestones and setbacks in your life. time becomes irrelevant, in dealing with situations. when we go through a tough time, we allow ourselves/rather give time to ourselves to fully set our mind straight. and while that is a very fair thing to do, it might have the opposite effect. time is not the end of memories and pain. 

let's take a hypothetical situation. all of us have had painful experiences in our lives; heartbreak, betrayal, love, death. typically we would firstly deal with the situation at hand, after which you either completely distance yourself from peers or excessively socialise and then go on this spree of trying to distract yourself from the even that has just happened. rarely does this work. the way to go about this would be to firstly accept that the pain, or the memory it's always going to be within you. it might pop up in your head 20 years later when you're in some random café in a country you didn't think you'd be in, and you might even break down when the memory comes back. but, accept the fact that you're not just going to forget entire events like that. secondly, there is nothing more temporary than a distraction when dealing with situations like this, instead think about what happened, think about the facts of what happened. learn from it. grasp all the knowledge you can, in terms of going forward in life, being happier, love, or business.

once you've harnessed the power to craft the way you think, you have made a huge head-way into life. when people say that we hold ourselves back more than anything else holds us back, this is what we is being talked about. our mind is powerful, I did say that. but without teaching yourself to use that power for the best, it's a weapon waiting to be used against it's own home.
think of the mind as the gas supply in your house, uncontrolled and not taken care of, it could destroy your home. but tame it, and it's going to help you feed the entire house. 

everything that happens, happens for a reason. everything. the worst thing that has happened to you? for a reason. nothing ever happens for no reason at all. 

The minute you decide you want better for yourself is the minute the entire universe begins to shift in your favour. 
source: tumblr

i hope this sunday was worth the read and i hope you're all enjoying reading it. i'm enjoying reading your replies to the emails too. i've been replying to all of them. don't forget to let me know what you'd like me to talk about next.
 

“The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world, or a relationship… Everything has its time. And everything ends.”
- The Doctor, Doctor Who